


Poor Timing

by mysid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:46:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9134581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysid/pseuds/mysid
Summary: James finds out about Sirius and Remus the hard way--he walks in on them.  But James isn't the only one with poor timing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> James, Sirius, Remus, and their world belong to J.K. Rowling. and so does the room which will become Trelawney’s classroom

**Poor Timing**

“It’s just me,” James called up cheerfully a moment after the trapdoor in the floor opened. 

Remus tumbled off Sirius’s lap and grabbed for one of the black robes by his feet even as Sirius did the same. He realized that he had Sirius’s robe but pulled it over his head anyway—there was no time to switch before James finished climbing the ladder up to the unused tower classroom filled with poufs and low tables. 

“What are you—” James’s voice cut off abruptly just as Remus succeeded in pulling the semi-buttoned robes over his head, and Remus knew it was too late. James had stopped halfway through the trapdoor and was gaping in shock at the sight of his two friends trying to hide the fact that they’d both been nude—nude together—just moments before. No one spoke. James’s expression suddenly hardened into something like anger and he hurried back down the ladder. 

“Shit,” Sirius said as he bent down to retrieve his other clothes.

“Not quite the way we wanted to tell James,” Remus said as he grabbed three socks and handed Sirius one.

Sirius shoved the sock in his pocket; he’d already pulled on his boots. “Didn’t want to tell him at all,” Sirius said, and he headed for the ladder.

“Wait for me,” Remus said as he pulled his own trainers on.

Sirius paused just long enough to shake his head. “No, let me talk to him. I’ll meet you back in the Common Room later.”

Overtaking James proved harder than expected; he must nearly have flown away from the tower classroom. Even when Sirius had him in sight and called his name, James continued walking so fast it was nearly running. Sirius had to physically restrain him with a hand on his arm to make him stop.

James released an angry huff of breath as he turned to face Sirius. “What the hell was going on up there?”

Sirius didn’t know quite what he was supposed to say. Sex? Very, very good sex?

James shook his head and huffed angrily again. “So much for any hope I had of you saying, ‘It’s not what it looked like.’ How long has this been going on?”

“Since October.”

“October. You and Moony have been shagging since _October_.”

“Well, actually, _that_ since December.”

James shook his head again and started to walk away. Sirius resisted following this time. If James couldn’t accept this, he couldn’t accept it.

James halted a few yards away and turned to face Sirius again, crossing his arms across his chest as he did so. “That was _months_ ago, Sirius, and you never told me.”

“Well I was just a bit afraid you’d react _badly_ ,” Sirius said pointedly.

“I don’t know why you’d think _that_ ,” James said just as sarcastically. “Blokes shagging other blokes is just _so_ normal.”

“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it,” Sirius said with a smile. He knew he had little hope of making James understand that with Remus it did feel ‘normal’ and ‘right’, but in his attempts at dating girls, he’d found anything remotely sexual to be distasteful. Or to be more accurate, he could easily explain to James that it only felt ‘normal’ with another boy, but that would simply confirm his apparent status as a freak in James’s eyes. He was better off telling James that _this_ could feel good too and leave it at that.

James made a disgusted face—indicating that he wouldn’t be trying it anytime soon—but seemed to have calmed down a bit. “So, are you—” James dropped his voice as if afraid of potential eavesdroppers. “Are you gay, or just between girlfriends and thought this would be more fun than wanking?”

“Gay,” Sirius admitted. He’d been naive to think he could avoid admitting that he preferred boys. And as long as he was admitting it, “I’m a big ol’ flaming poof.”

James snorted and shook his head with a slight smile. “Remus too?”

Sirius shrugged. “You’d have to ask him.” Sirius had never quite dared to ask Remus if whatever it was between them was merely a relationship of convenience. He was too afraid of the answer to push it.

“So why him?” James asked.

“Why not?” Sirius said in surprise. Remus was cute, smart, funny—and looked damn good under his robes. Sirius knew he was very fortunate to have Remus for a—whatever they were to each other.

James didn’t seem to like that answer; the scowl was back on his face. “So—Remus was just convenient? You happened to be horny as hell, and he happened to be in the dormitory? God, Sirius. You are such a bastard sometimes. Glad I wasn’t the one there,” James added as he walked away.

“I wouldn’t have—you,” Sirius called after him. That stopped James in his tracks. He paused for a moment and then came back.

“Why not?”

“You would have hated me.”

“I’d never hate you,” James assured him. “You should have figured that out by now, you stupid berk.”

Sirius nodded. He knew James meant it, but he also knew that no one really knew the limits of a friendship until it was tested to the breaking point, and then it was usually too late. 

“I couldn’t risk it,” Sirius explained. “You mean too much to me.” James’s intense focus was a bit too much for Sirius, and he found James’s shoulder a safer place to look than his face. “Even my own family doesn’t want me, but you and your parents—even before that. You—” Sirius sighed and tried to collect his thoughts. He knew what he felt; it was finding a way to describe them that was hard. “You’re my brother. Regulus and I, we used to be, well, not _close_ exactly; he was always a little pest.” Sirius risked a glance at James and saw him smile at the word ‘pest.’ “But it was ‘Regulus and I against the world,’ or what little of the world that we knew. But once I started Hogwarts, he and I just kept getting further and further apart until I don’t think we even know each other any more. _You_ are my brother now.”

“You and me against the world,” James agreed. “Or at least, against the Slytherins.”

Sirius smiled slightly. “I couldn’t risk losing another brother. I haven’t, have I?”

James punched him in the shoulder. “Course not. Stupid berk.” 

Sirius exhaled in relief; it was going to be OK. James knew, and James didn’t hate him.

“So why on earth did you take a chance with Remus? Weren’t you afraid of losing him?”

Sirius began to smile in earnest now. “Well, for one thing, I had a suspicion that he wouldn’t mind. And for another, even if he had minded, I knew he wouldn’t hold it against me for long. You know what Remus is like; he forgives us anything. The worst he would have done was break my jaw and then everything would be fine again—although he probably would have ordered me to stay out of the bathroom when he’s taking a shower.”

“So you’re just shagging Remus because he’s convenient and can’t say, ‘No,’ to you?” James asked angrily. “And if you say, ‘Yes,’ I just might have to give you that broken jaw that he didn’t.”

“No, it’s not just that.”

“How do you feel about him?”

“ _Feel_ about him?” Sirius thought that if explaining how he felt about James had been hard, then explaining his feelings about Remus would be damn near impossible. “Don’t go all girly on me, James. I’m supposed to be the poof, here.”

“Just answer the damn question.”

“You know how I feel about Remus. He’s my friend—like you, but without all those inconvenient brotherly feelings that would make sex just plain wrong,” Sirius added with a grin that he hoped would defuse the question.

James was not to be turned aside. “Do you love him?”

“I don’t even know what love is,” Sirius answered honestly. He leaned back against the wall and scrubbed one hand against his face. “Love wasn’t exactly a priority in that madhouse I grew up in. My parents’ marriage was more a business transaction than anything else. Now they’ve gone from merely tolerating each other to avoiding each other at all times. And as for Regulus and I, they never loved us. They were proud of us or disappointed in us; they rewarded us or punished us, but they never loved us. 

“I don’t even know why Remus bothers with someone as messed up as I am. But I’m trying not to bugger things up—no pun intended.” Sirius laughed for a moment as he remembered the previous day’s Potions lesson. “Yesterday in Potions, I actually had a clear shot at Snivellus’s cauldron, a pile of Shrivel Fig peelings on my table, and I didn’t do it— _just_ because I knew Remus would give me that ‘look’ if I’d done it.”

“Padfoot,” James groaned, “you let Remus’s ‘I’m a prefect and I’m angry with you’ look stop you from turning Snivelly’s potion in putrid foaming goo? Now I know you’re a nancy.”

Sirius scowled. “No, not his ‘prefect’ look; that look he gets when he’s really disappointed with us but he doesn’t want to say anything. That’s the one that kills me. I don’t want to be someone who disappoints him. He deserves better than that.”

James suddenly grinned. “You _do_ love him. Oh, my little girl is all grown up.” He wiped away a fake tear and threw an arm around Sirius’s shoulders to pull him down the corridor toward Gryffindor Tower. “Before you know it, we’ll be picking out your wedding gown.”

“Berk.”

“But I never, _ever_ want to walk in on the two of you again. If I ever see the two of alone together on the map again, I’m heading in the opposite direction.”

“Good. Thanks to your untimely interruption, we never finished.”

“Eww. Bad pictures in my mind.”

 

When they reached the Common Room, Sirius spotted Remus standing in front of a window which looked out upon the lake. Sirius looked back at James for a moment, and James just smiled.

“Go on, Loverboy,” James said quietly, then more loudly as he walked away, “Hey, Peter, what are you up to?”

Sirius joined Remus at the window, first looking to see what Remus was watching before looking at Remus. The night was both calm and cloudy, so the lake showed itself only with small sparkles of reflected light from the castle windows. Remus, who continued to stare out the window even after Sirius’s approach, seemed just as calm, but Sirius knew that with Remus, the surface rarely revealed the depth of feelings beneath. 

“Everything is all right with James.” 

Remus nodded. “Good.” 

“He says that he _never_ wants to walk in on us again, but—are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Remus said, and this time he looked at Sirius and smiled. It wouldn’t do to show Sirius that he was upset about something that couldn’t be changed. “I’m glad about James.” And he _was_ glad that James had accepted this relationship—whatever it was—between his two friends. If James had objected, it would be over. Sirius would never continue in the face of James’s disapproval, and Remus knew he wasn’t ready for it to be over.

But it was hard to be happy having overheard part of their conversation. Sirius had told Remus not to come, but Remus had found it impossible not to follow. He’d wanted to be there for Sirius if angry words became too hurtful, or to break up the fight if angry words had turned to blows. He’d stayed long enough to know he didn’t want to stay and hear more. Sirius was shagging Remus, but he loved James. 

Remus resolved to be satisfied with however much affection Sirius did have for him; it was already more than a werewolf should hope for. He smiled at Sirius again before looking out at the lake. He promised himself that he’d never burden Sirius with how he felt.

 

_—Written January 2006_


End file.
